you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
