Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
