**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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