And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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