she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
