hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
