Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
