these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
