New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
