yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
