Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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