so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
