my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
