could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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