Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
