I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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