Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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