haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
