Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone came in the potted fern
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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