yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
