Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
