okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
