Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize