I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
