he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
