in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
