Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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