You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
