Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
