Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
