Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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