i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
