He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
