Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
