If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
