Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
