saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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