I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
