I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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