K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
