It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
