i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
