Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
