i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
