Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
