I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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