he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
