Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
