No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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