did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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