I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He felt like a one man threesome
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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