the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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