I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
