I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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