i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
