What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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