Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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