On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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