making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
