dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize