the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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