I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
