I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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