I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
