Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
ok first of all what the fuck
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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