I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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