True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
that is very illegal...i love you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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