Barsexuality is the new black.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
