i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
