so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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